Remembering

Wow! Christmas is in 2 days! The older I get the faster time seems to go. I went back and read my Christmas posts from last year and found that this year is much like last year. LOL I have seen some come into this world and have seem some leave this life and I have seen God's hand heal and comfort. I am thankful that God continues to show his power.

This morning my thoughts have really been on how things have changed in my life. I grew up with a family that was so close. We spent every holiday together. The sounds of laughter filled the house and thousands of memories made. It was such a blessing to have a family that was so close. To have all the Aunts, Uncles and Cousins that loved to spend time together. Today, this isn't the case. The family is very divided.

My Dad LOVED the holidays. His face just lit up on Christmas. I loved watching him as Christmas got close. You could just see and feel the excitement grow in him as it got closer. These are such treasured memories. Memories are all they are....The holidays are a little less joyful for me now. I put on a brave face but inside my heart aches for days past and gone. Every year around the holidays I have a good cry and I think today is the day. (For those of you who don't know, my parents have cut us off because of where we choose to go to church. It is a long, unedifying story so I will spare you.) Anyway, it makes the holidays hard. My kids are old enough to want to start our own traditions and we have. I enjoy those things but with each thing I can see the empty place where my parents used to sit. My children have never seen the tears. They don't know how hard this is for me. All I can do is pray that God will change things some day. As I see Grandma slipping away it reminds me that one day it will be my parents and how much I hope this all changes before we come to the end of our life.

I know this post is kind of a downer but I am writing this as a memory of where I am today. Tomorrow may be different but today I will shed my holiday tears, put my big girl panties on and deal with it! I have tons to do to keep me busy the next couple of days. I have wrapping to do and I have to get ready to have company on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Off to have my cry and get busy!